By Brian Hoffman
From the March 4, 2004 edition of The Salem Times-Register
FROM THE SALEM TIMES-REGISTER ARCHIVES
Years ago, our former owner asked me, “Why is it whenever you take a sick day it’s always on a Thursday or Friday?’
“Because,” I replied, “if I’m sick on Tuesday or Wednesday, I come in anyway.”
You see, I’m working without a net. Every week I go to the mound and I know there’s no one in the bullpen. When you call for the sports department at any of the four MainStreet Newspapers publication. I’m the one you get.
I sort of like it that way. In fact, I asked for it. Years ago, I made a deal that I’d do all the sports myself, for all the papers, if I didn’t have to writes stories on politicians and garden parties or sell Christmas card advertisements. I think I made the comment that I’d rather, “sell peanuts at the ballpark than eat steak in the courthouse.”
I’ve been pretty lucky. In 30 years with this company, I’ve never missed a Tuesday or Wednesday due to illness. That streak almost came to an end last week.
I was feeling miserable last week. I got that “crud that’s been going around” stuff about two weeks ago and it kept getting worse and worse. I got hit by it right about the time I started bragging that I hadn’t been sick all winter.
My first line of defense was the usual, ignore it and maybe it will go away. It didn’t.
By the beginning of last week it started getting worst. Constant coughing set in to join a stuffy nose, accompanied by sweating not associated with anything athletic. Still, I took the ball on Tuesday and went to the mound for a full day of action. “You’re sick, you need to go home,” said advertising manager Vickie Henderson as she walked by my office.
“If I go home, there won’t be any sports in the paper,” I replied.
“Well,” she said, “we can put a note in the paper that Brian Hoffman is sick this week and we won’t have any sports, but next week we’ll have twice as much.”
Needless to say, that wouldn’t work. I managed to hang in there through the printing of our final paper on Wednesday. I went to a baseball game on Wednesday night and the opening round of the ODAC women’s tournament on Thursday, but by Friday I threw in the towel. It was time to go to the doctor.
I go to the doctor about as often as the Padres play in the World Series. I haven’t had a full body check up since high school and I think I’ve made three trips to the doctor since, and two were for sore joints.
I’m not saying that’s a good thing, that’s just the way I am. Same way as when I tell people I haven’t read but one complete book, “Ball Four,” in the last 25 years. I’m not saying for kids to be like me, I’m just telling the truth. I read plenty of magazines and newspapers to make up for it, by the way.
So, you know I’m really feeling bad when I go to the doctor. I’m a walk-up customer because I don’t have a regular place, like I do for my car.
Funny, I’ve spent all this money on health insurance over the years and have gotten little for it. Not that I’m complaining, because that means I’m healthy.
Do they have any kind of health insurance deal you can get for your car? You know, pay a certain amount out of your salary each week and you can get your car fixed for a small fee when necessary. I might go for that.
To make a story that’s getting longer short, I got fixed up with some medicine and in a couple of days, I started feeling better. I didn’t get to the basketball games Friday, but I bounced back Saturday to sweat through a schedule that included Region III wrestling, Roanoke College softball and baseball, and two regional basketball games in the evening.
Monday’s injury report listed me as probably, and you could bet your last dollar that Brett Favre was going to be on the field for Tuesday and Wednesday’s action.
If not, you might just get twice as much sports next week.
-Prepared by Shelly Koon